I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
