i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
