There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
