shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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