Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
