Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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