I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
