just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize