I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dude i'm inner monologue high
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
