Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
