You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
