Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
