So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
