never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
