she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize