East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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