yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
