For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
