just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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