FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
