thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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