Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
