i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
