chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
