The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
