3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
