You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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