Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
