Your tits are I can't wait for
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
