dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
