I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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