I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
