They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
