I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
