i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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