farters have to be the big spoon...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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