Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Small penises have feelings too.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
