When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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