After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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