apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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