Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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