and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
