hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
