They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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