I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
