I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
