So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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