Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
