I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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