Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
