Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
