The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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