I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
