last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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