It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize