im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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