That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
