my phone needs a breathalizer
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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