hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize