So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
