Say something about gay babies.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
