you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
