i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
