K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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