Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
