the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
