He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
