and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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