Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
