So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
