I just pynch a tree in the face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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