Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
