btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
