this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
